You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
