Why are handjobs necessary in class?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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