we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
