i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
