6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
