I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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