There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
