ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
