Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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