Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
