Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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