I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
