And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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