wat bout pragnant strippers??
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
