I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
