hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
