i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
