The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
