I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
