Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
