i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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