Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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