I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
