my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
