Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
