Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
