I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
