after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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