she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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