if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
