She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
