Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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