I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
