3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
