gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
