And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
