I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
