another moral hangover. fuck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
