in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
