My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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