haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
