I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
