she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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