I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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