So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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