I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
