Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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