Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
