I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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