How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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