I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
