ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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