Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
