It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
