can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
