and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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