Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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