I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
