great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
