2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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