I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He felt like a one man threesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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