I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
