Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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