Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
