3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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