Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
