Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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