How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
