well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
