he shaved USA in his pubs
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
